Overcoming disappointment is something I am constantly working on. I have had a lot of ups and downs in my life, this past year has been a roller coaster. To put it a little more bluntly, my life has been fucked up, unstable, insane, and unpredictable for a while now and last year it became absolutely unbearable. I spent a lot of time feeling down about everything I “lost” when in reality I found more freedom by loosing some of the weight that was holding me back. One of the things that came out of all the downs was freedom from a relationship that grew to be more and more unhealthy for everyone involved. I have gained a lot of happiness since that relationship ended and more self confidence than I ever had before. It turns out, the relationship was really bad for my self esteem and left me constantly feeling like I was not good enough (sometimes it made me feel like it would be better to just NOT exist). I am disappointed in myself for letting it go on for so long, definitely long enough to leave a negative impact on more lives than just mine. Basically my whole life was burned to the ground and I felt like I was just sitting out in the cold for a few months there. I feel like I am finally starting to rebuild a more stable life to “live in”. Out with the old unhealthy relationships and in with the new healthy/loving relationships. I am trying to overcome the disappointment. I still have manic episodes but I do feel like I am getting better and stronger every day. Feeling more sure of myself and more positive about where my life is going.
I am also ALWAYS working on cutting “baggage” out of my life. It is hard for me to let go of things that hurt me. I have to get over this because the more things I get rid of… the more room I have in my heart for amazing people. Sometimes you find the most caring and beautiful people in the worst situations of your life. So I have to acknowledge the new “family” I have found. I love each and every one of you to pieces and am so glad our paths crossed. I met you exactly when I needed you in my life. You brought a lot of positive light into a very dark experience I was having and I hope I brought a little light to you as well. <3